A Feeling of Guilt
by Ankhesanamun
Summary: After an argument between friends, a member of the 4077th is left to cope alone until others begin to notice her suffering and become aware of their own guilt.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Ah to own them would be a fine thing, but alas I merely own this little number.**

**This is quite an angsty chapter so be warned but other than that enjoy.**

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* * *

**"You know, Major, it would be far easier for the Nurses to assist the Doctors effectively if you got off their backs once in a while!" Hawkeye Pierce snapped, as he and the blonde-haired Major left the OR after a particularly exhausting shift.

"I would thank you Pierce, to keep your nose, and any other parts of your anatomy, out of my Nurses. How I choose to organise and discipline them is my own business!" Major Margaret Houlihan replied, her eyes flashing with anger and her hands placed defiantly on her hips in what she hoped was a threatening manner.

"Yeah well, just cos you're so GI that you can't even go to bed at night without saluting your own pillow, it doesn't mean that the rest of us are, or that you have the right to try and make us that way. Those Nurses do a bang up job under appalling conditions, but you are so stuck in your regulations that you don't even see that. It's even made you forget how to be a good nurse, not that you were ever that good a one to begin with; I guess it was other 'talents' that got you your position, eh Major?" Hawkeye asked cruelly, directing a leer in the direction of Margaret's body. In his anger, he had allowed his usual sarcastic wit to become harsh and unfeeling and Margaret flinched visibly at his words.

For several seconds, she stared speechlessly at the black-haired surgeon, her eyes welling with tears as his last comment continued to echo through her thoughts. Helplessly, she tried to come up with a retort of some kind but the malicious expression in his normally kind, blue eyes caused her mind to go blank and instead she simply remained staring at him in shock.

"Wow, the Major's finally been silenced. What an incredible feat." Hawkeye mocked, seemingly insensitive to the pain shining in Margaret's eyes. His last comment still slashing against her battered heart, Margaret almost staggered backwards at his next comment, her heart constricting in pain. Desperate to escape him, Margaret looked around the room wildly, seemingly terrified of the man standing before her. Unfortunately finding no-one there to help her against him, Margaret instead turned and fled, her tears blinding her as she ran across the compound.

Hawkeye, his temper still boiling, stalked over to the sink and violently turned on the taps, vigorously scrubbing his hands, scoffing at the image of the Major crying in misery. 'She's probably just angry with me, I mean it's not like there's a heart beneath those walls.'

* * *

Hawkeye's was mistaken though, for Margaret, having run blindly across the camp for several moments after she fled the Scrub Room, had hidden herself next to the makeshift stables that Colonel Potter had built for his horse, Sophie. Feeling the need to hide from everyone in the camp, she had curled up in one of the corners of the stable, making sure that it was not directly visible from the road. It was here, hidden from view and safe from the cruelty of the other members of the camp, that Margaret had allowed her tears to finally fall. The last few weeks had taken their toll on her and Margaret was emotionally and physically exhausted. However the one person, who would normally have noticed her suffering was instead the one responsible for causing her pain.

Pulling her legs up tighter to her chest, Margaret wearily rested her head on her knees, and began to sob uncontrollably. As her tears flowed down her cheeks, they gently began to wash away the layers of make-up that she so carefully applied every morning, leaving behind clear examples of the impact of the pain that she had been suffering.

Black shadows lined the entirety of her clear blue eyes, a tribute to endless nights battling with insomnia. Her cheeks were hollow, her skin pale and wan and if anybody had looked closely it would have been obvious to them that she had lost a large amount of weight in a short period of time. Sadly in Margaret's case, no-one had been paying close attention to anything that either happened to her or that she did herself, not since...

Her breath hitched again and she moaned in pain, almost as if an unseen hand had grasped her heart and squeezed it firmly, but instead it was the pain of remembering the incident that had caused her misery that increased her sorrow.

* * *

It had started out as such a small fight, not even that, more of a discussion. Hawkeye had been complaining about the army, again, she couldn't even remember the specifics of his complaint, but tired after a long night trying to save boys who shouldn't even know the name Korea, Margaret had snapped at him and the small insignificant discussion had quickly evolved into an argument that could be heard by everyone in the camp. It wasn't until the next day however, that Margaret realised the true fallout of the fight. Devastated, Margaret had emerged from the fight to find herself alone and friendless; Hawkeye, her only true friend in the entire camp, had stopped talking to her.

The pair had been steadily growing closer ever since the breakdown of her marriage to Lieutenant Colonel Donald Penobscott, and as she had begun to re-build her life, she had come to rely on the handsome surgeon more and more. They had always looked out for each other, but as they grew closer they also began to make sure that they were each eating and sleeping enough as well as offering the other a shoulder to cry on whenever the war became too much.

But that single fight had destroyed all of that, leaving Margaret isolated and fragile. She had put on a brave face, trying to hide the pain and hurt she felt every time Hawkeye referred to her simply as Major, or ignored her at mealtimes or worse still flaunted his stable friendships that he still had within the camp, as though trying to show her that he never needed her friendship in the first place. Margaret only wished that the same was true for herself, instead she felt like she was adrift at sea, with no hope of rescue. In the aftermath of the fight, it seemed to Margaret that the camp had taken Hawkeye's side, with the majority of the camp simply treating her as a visiting superior officer; they were respectful but not openly welcoming. This had led her to become even more withdrawn and as she struggled with her isolation and the hostility directed towards her by Hawkeye, Margaret had become increasingly irritable and defensive. This irritability had led her to more abrupt with her Nurses than usual during the earlier OR session which had in turn led to the most recent argument between herself and Hawkeye.

Margaret sighed, brushing at her tears, wishing that her pain could flow away as easily as her tears. She could barely believe that Hawkeye could have said such cruel things to her. She knew that he was capable of being quite blunt and hurtful in his words and actions, a trait he had displayed most when Trapper had been a member of the unit, but since the arrival of BJ Hunnicut, Hawkeye had become far more controlled and considerate in his manner. It seemed however, that these days she never saw the Hawkeye that had appeared in more recent months but instead she was constantly exposed to the cruelty of the old Pierce.

She was just so tired, so tired of fighting with him, of being alone. She needed to get away, it was just too much, his hatred and the indifference of the camp, they tore at her fragile heart every single day. She needed time to re-build her emotional walls and recharge her exhausted body. If she didn't soon, she wasn't sure what would happen to her next.

She would ask Colonel Potter for a pass to Seoul or Tokyo straightaway, it would allow her to escape the torment for her few days and hopefully help her to heal a few wounds too.

Firm in her resolve, Margaret stood up, and quickly brushing away the few strands of hay that had stuck to her uniform, she took a deep breath and began walking back across the compound, heading for Colonel Potter's office.

She was so focussed on her task that she barely even noticed when she bumped into BJ halfway across the camp. Briefly looking up to check that it wasn't Hawkeye, Margaret muttered a quick apology and then continued walking towards the CO's office.

* * *

BJ suppressed a startled gasp as his mind registered the image of Margaret's face. She had looked terrible. Her eyes had been bloodshot and weary, ringed by dark shadows that looked like bruises and the expression in her eyes had horrified him. They had looked haunted, almost dead, lacking any of Margaret's usual spark and instead displaying the true depth of her misery and pain. In addition to this, her face had also shown evidence of the extent of her suffering and with a pang of guilt he realised that she had obviously been barely eating or sleeping in the past few weeks. Running a hand through his sandy hair, BJ sighed miserably as he realised that no-one had noticed, or more accurately no-one had cared to look closely enough to notice the impact that the argument had had on Margaret.

'What had he done?' He thought miserably. In a misguided bout of loyalty towards Hawkeye, BJ had completely neglected his other friend, leaving her to suffer in silence. In a misunderstanding of Margaret's character, he had believed that since she hadn't complained, that meant, as Hawkeye had claimed, that she didn't care and had moved on entirely after the argument.

'What kind of person was he?'

* * *

Meanwhile, Margaret had reached Colonel Potter's office and knocking gently against the wooden door, she waited patiently for him to acknowledge his visitor. Hearing him call for her to enter, Margaret walked quietly into his office, keeping her eyes lowered as she moved towards the chair that sat in front of his desk.

Colonel Potter watched in silence as the normally confident woman nearly crept into his office, flinching and bearing an expression similar to terror when the chair she went to sit down on, scraped loudly across the floor. Concerned, he realised that Margaret seemed to be expecting to be shouted at for the noise she had made. Horrified, Colonel Potter quickly tried to conceal his worry at what had made his normally happy head nurse so fearful of making her presence known. Feigning cheerfulness, Potter placed a smile on his lips and asked,

"Why Major, what can I do for you this fine afternoon?"

"I was wondering whether I might have a Pass to Seoul or Tokyo for a few days, Sir?" She said, trying to sound her usual confident self, but still keeping her eyes locked on her clasped hands. Curiously, Potter watched the young woman speak, noticing the croak in her voice, a common side effect of crying, and the way she refused to look at him directly. He frowned as he realised that there was far more to Margaret's simple request than met the eye, therefore he decided to try and get more information out of the Major before he granted her request.

"Well I'm not sure I can spare you right now, Major. Maybe in a few weeks time, but I'm sorry I'm not sure I can give you a Pass right now." Potter explained kindly.

At his gentle refusal however, Margaret's head shot up and like BJ earlier, Colonel Potter had to suppress a horrified gasp at Margaret's gaunt appearance. However Margaret, seemingly unaware of his reaction, spoke.

"Please, Colonel Potter, I need to get away for a few days. Just a few days in Seoul, please that's all I want, just a few days away from here, please!" She begged, tears once again forming in her eyes as she desperately pleaded for an opportunity to escape the camp for a few days.

Colonel Potter was silent for a moment, his heart pounding as he beheld the distraught woman sitting before him, one thought passing through his mind,

'How could I have missed this?'

* * *

He had been away from the camp himself on the day of the fight and by the time he had returned the friendship between the head nurse and the chief surgeon had been over.

Guiltily, he realised now that he had let it pass, chalking the fight up to two stubborn personalities, neither of whom were willing to back down when they believed that they were right. In his ignorance as to the true nature both of the friendship and the fight, he had not made any attempt to see if the Major had been alright, wrongfully assuming that since she had not come to speak to him about the situation then that meant that she hadn't needed to talk about it. He should have known better.

This poor child had been alone and forced to be independent for so much of her life that she now found it difficult to lean on anyone else. Indeed there was only one person whom she had felt able to lean on but instead he had treated her worse than any other person, betraying the trust that she had given him. Potter sighed, he was just as guilty as Hawkeye in this instance, he had ignored her and abandoned her when she had needed his friendship and support the most.

"Colonel?" Margaret shyly asked, interrupting his thoughts. Potter shook himself slightly and smiled at her.

"Forgive me, Major, I was lost in my thoughts there for a moment." He smiled again. "You know what, Major, I think we can spare you for a few days. Go get packed and I'll get Klinger to get a pass and a jeep sorted for you."

Margaret smiled brilliantly at Potter's remark. "Thank you Colonel." She paused. "Would you mind if I drove myself though? I could use some time alone before I get to Seoul." She asked, her eyes pleading with him to agree.

"Alrighty Major, I guess we can manage that. The Jeep will be ready whenever you are." He smiled and patted her shoulder. "Go on then, scoot. Oh and Major, I'm sorry that I didn't notice that you were miserable, when you get back we'll sit down and have a chat, kay?"

"Thank you Colonel. Thank you so much," and then after giving him a quick but grateful hug, she turned and rushed out in the direction of her tent.

* * *

An hour later, Colonel Potter watched as Margaret drove the Jeep out of the compound, praying that she would find some peace during her R+R and return happier than she had been in the last few weeks. As she drove out of sight, the old man turned and sighed heavily, for once looking his age as the emotional turmoil of the last few hours began to weigh down on him. His eyes focussed on the Swamp and as had happened when Margaret had come to see him earlier, Colonel Potter found himself resisting the urge to go and punch his difficult, chief surgeon right in his big mouth. His anger at Pierce had been great but he had also recognised that it was tinged with his own feelings of guilt regarding his own actions over the past few weeks. Rather than comforting the young woman, he had left her alone to face the unkind faces and cruel words from the members of the 4077th. Mildred was right, he was an old fool.

A sudden sound caught his attention and he lifted his head just in time to see BJ Hunnicut striding across the camp, his gaze fixed on Hawkeye who was currently walking with a nurse, who had recently arrived from headquarters. As he continued to watch the pair, he saw BJ reach out and punch his best friend right in his nose, causing Hawkeye to fall flat on his back. Running across the compound, he grabbed BJ's arm before he was able to swing at Hawkeye again.

"Jeese, Beej what the hell was that for?" Hawkeye moaned, holding his nose gingerly, which had now begun to bleed profusely.

"You self-absorbed, pathetic, miserable excuse for a human being, I shouldn't have punched you in the nose, I should have broken your jaw so that you couldn't ever speak again!" BJ snarled, frantically pulling at the arms of the men, who were desperately trying to hold him back. "You treated her like she was nothing, and what's worse you convinced us that she deserved it, that she didn't care about what happened. I should beat the living tar out of you!" He yelled, still trying to reach Hawkeye, who had now had the good sense to move out of range.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Hawkeye asked, confused by the obvious anger on his friend's face.

BJ snarled again at the apparent ignorance on Hawkeye's part and was about to speak again when Potter loudly interrupted.

"Pierce, go have someone look at that nose, Captain Hunnicut march your butt straight to my office. NOW!" He ordered when BJ began to protest.

* * *

Unaware of these new developments, Margaret continued driving towards Seoul, her heart lightening with every mile that she put between herself and Hawkeye.

* * *

"Now look son, I understand how angry and guilty you're feeling right now, but breaking Captain Pierce's nose is not going to help anybody, especially not Margaret." Potter said, striding into his office and up to his desk.

"Yeah well, it sure felt good." BJ said, smiling humourlessly.

"Be that as it may, we need to find a non-violent way to deal with this problem. Margaret does not need to come back to find the whole camp up in arms, does she?"

"No, Sir. Hang on, come back? Where is she?" BJ asked, worriedly.

"I gave her some R+R. Poor girl practically begged me to let her leave for a few days." Potter explained, his heart twisting as he remembered the broken and pleading expression on Margaret's face as she asked him for her pass to Seoul.

"That's good, that's definitely good." BJ muttered to himself.

* * *

"Colonel Potter, have you heard anything yet? Has she checked in?" BJ asked, his concern for his missing friend increasing with every passing minute.

After their conversation, Colonel Potter had sent BJ back to the Swamp to calm down and had then gone to X-ray to check on Pierce. The man had still been extremely confused about the actions of his friend and had immediately asked Colonel Potter if he knew what was going on. However, Colonel Potter had been in no mood to explain anything to the surgeon and having fixed his nose, he simply sent him back to Post-op, to rest while the sedatives and painkillers wore off.

That had been a few hours ago and although Pierce had returned to the Swamp, still unsure of what had prompted BJ's actions. Neither BJ nor Colonel Potter had spoken to him about what had made them so angry with him, instead they had left him to his own devices and attempted to distract themselves with work.

However as the hours continued to pass and they still had not heard from Margaret, BJ had become more and more agitated and begun to pester Potter almost continually for information.

"No I haven't, BJ, if I had I would've told you." Potter answered shortly. "Look I'm sure she's just taking some time for herself before she checks in. We'll give her a few more hours and if she hasn't rung by then we'll ring the hotel." Potter said, trying to ignore his own increasing panic.

"Ok, Colonel. I'm sorry; I'm just worried about her." He smiled weakly. "I guess I'll go and finish my rounds. You'll let me know when she rings, right?"

"Sure, Captain."

* * *

_**ATTENTION ALL PERSONNEL, ATTENTION ALL PERSONNEL! WE'VE GOT WOUNDED IN THE COMPOUND. BOTH SHIFTS REPORT TO THE AMBULANCES AND HELICOPTER PADS, IMMEDIATELY!!

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**_**So what do you think? This story is actually finished but it needs to be typed up and checked, but the rest should be up soon. Anyway I hope you liked it. Read and Review. A xxxxx  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: This crazy little story has come from my twisted imagination, but the characters are just along for the ride.

* * *

**"Alright this one's shocky, let's get some fluids started. Ok, looks like a leg wound and..."

"Sir?" The confused orderly asked as Hawkeye's instructions trailed off. "Sir, is something wrong?"

"No, no, no, NO!" Hawkeye shouted, his gaze locked on the small figure lying on the narrow stretcher. Unconsciously, Hawkeye reached out towards the person and gently turned them over so that the orderly could see their face clearly. The orderly gasped as he recognised the figure lying before them, before turning and shouting,

"Dr. Hunnicut? Dr. Hunnicut?"

"Yooooo!" BJ sang cheerily, moving up the bus towards the two frozen figures.

"Sir," the orderly said nervously, pointing towards the still figure on the stretcher.

"Oh my god." BJ murmured, moving closer and shoving Hawkeye out of the way. "Oh my god. Margaret, what happened to you?"

At the sound of his voice, Margaret shifted her head and wearily opened her eyes.

"BJ?" She whispered.

"Yeah, Margaret it's me. Don't worry you're home and we're gonna get you up and yelling at nurses before you know it. It's just a small flesh wound, nothing to worry about." BJ told her, smiling warmly at her, carefully keeping his worry from showing on his face as he quickly catalogued the wounds that littered her small frame.

"Liar." Margaret murmured, "But thanks anyway." Painfully, she shifted slightly, lifting her head to look around the bus. Seeing Hawkeye's frozen figure standing nearby, Margaret paused and briefly locked eyes with him, before turning her face back to look at BJ's kind face.

"So what happened to Captain Pierce's nose?" She asked, trying to smile. BJ laughed at her comment and squeezed her hand gently.

"It had a run in with my fist." He explained briefly.

Margaret cocked her eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"Uh-huh. Now let's get you off this bus and into pre-op." BJ said, gesturing to the orderly to help him lift the stretcher off the bus.

* * *

"Colonel Potter?" BJ called as he entered pre-op, where the CO was currently helping to prepare the patients already lying there for surgery.

"What is it, Captain? I'm kinda busy here."

"Colonel, it's Margaret."

"What?!" Shock written across his face, Potter turned and quickly headed over to where BJ and the orderly had laid Margaret.

"Dear god Margaret, what in tarnation happened to you?" Potter exclaimed as he looked down at the bruised face of his friend. Gently, he pushed a few tendrils of blonde hair away from her sweaty forehead, trying not to flinch as his hand came away smeared with blood. "Has Pierce seen her?" He asked quietly. BJ nodded and Potter turned back to look at Margaret, who was now unconscious, her injuries taking their toll on her already depleted energy levels. Smoothing her hair down again, Potter gestured to BJ to follow him before moving to the other side of the room.

"BJ, her injuries, that chest wound in particular, we're going to have to have Pierce work on her. He's had far more experience with these types of wounds and next to Winchester, he's our best chest cutter. BJ, I need you to let him work, I know you'd prefer that Winchester operated but there's a more serious case that needs his attention. Trust him to do his job, otherwise..." He trailed off and once again looked at Margaret's still body. BJ followed his gaze and sighing heavily, he nodded.

"Good. Right can you go and finish triaging the remaining patients on the bus whilst I get Pierce sorted and Margaret prepped?" BJ nodded again and then moved back to Margaret. Leaning down, he placed a brotherly kiss on her forehead and then he turned and left the room, never noticing the slumped figure that stood hidden in the shadows of the corridor, his eyes fixed solely on the small body of his friend.

* * *

An unusual hush had fallen within the OR as Hawkeye worked frantically to mend the injuries that had been inflicted on Margaret's body by the enemy's shell. Word had quickly spread that Margaret had been seriously wounded and a continual stream of people had been passing through the OR, desperate for news regarding her surgery.

Finished with his own patient, Potter wandered over to Pierce's table and quickly looked over his shoulder to examine his progress.

"So how's it going?"

"Well the chest isn't as bad as we originally thought, although there were some fragments lodged near her heart. She's lucky though, there's no serious damage." He paused as he fished out a final fragment. "How's she holding up?" He asked the nurse, who was working as his anaesthesiologist.

"She's still shocky, Sir. Heart rate and blood pressure keep fluctuating." The nurse replied, fiddling slightly with her gages.

"Damn. I can't understand why her readings aren't stabilising, there's no reason for it." Hawkeye muttered. Suddenly a contemplative look crossed his face and laying down his instruments for a moment, he quickly lifted the sheet that was covering the rest of Margaret's body. Instantly he noticed a difference and he gasped. "My god, she's lost so much weight." He placed the sheet back down, trying to ignore the pang of guilt that shot through him as he realised that he should have noticed the change in her weight before now. Swallowing uncomfortably, he turned back to her chest wound. "Does anyone know if she's been missing meals?"

At his question the nurses glanced around the OR room, a nervous expression on their faces. BJ also glanced up at his question, his face controlled as he suppressed his anger.

"Hawk, you're the one who would normally be able to tell us that, but I'm guessing from your question that you haven't been paying enough attention to her to tell us whether she's been eating or not!" BJ finished, a mocking sneer curling on his face, obvious even though it was hidden by his mask. Hawkeye paled visibly at the accusation, not even attempting to deny the statement knowing that BJ spoke the truth. He had been ignoring her, neither noticing nor caring to notice that she was suffering, that she was neglecting her own health to the point where her body was struggling to cope with the surgery now needed to save her life. Hanging his head in shame, Hawkeye did not respond to BJ's comment but instead resumed his work. Seeing that another patient was being placed at his table, Potter turned to leave Hawkeye to his work.

"Colonel Potter?"

"Yes?" He replied, stopping and turning back to look at Hawkeye.

"Colonel, I was wondering, do you know why Margaret was out in the midst of the fighting in the first place?"

"Poor girl asked for some time away and considering how miserable she's been, I gave her a three day Pass to Seoul." Potter explained, staring accusingly at Hawkeye.

"Oh." Hawkeye replied and suppressing another throb of guilt, he quickly began to close the wound.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Sir but I've been given strict orders by Colonel Potter himself, not to let you see Major Houlihan." Nurse Kellye explained, standing defiantly between the tall Doctor and her head nurse.

Over the past few weeks, Kellye had noticed the increasingly negative treatment which the Major had been receiving from the sarcastic Doctor and the majority of the camp. She had disagreed with this treatment but the distance that had always existed between the nurses and the Major had prevented her from approaching her, and instead she had simply tried to encourage others to follow her example and not take sides. However, she now realised that her decision had meant that she had basically abandoned her, a mistake she was now determined to fix. Therefore in order to do this, she would not let Hawkeye get close to the Major.

"What do you mean, you've been ordered not to let me see Margaret? That is my patient lying there Lieutenant and I will be continuing my duties as her physician." Hawkeye stated; his stance unconsciously similar to one that Margaret frequently took when she gave orders to her subordinates.

"Actually Captain," Kellye said, insuring that she also referred to him by his rank. "Dr. Hunnicut has now been assigned to Major Houlihan's case and will be administrating her post-operative care."

"Excuse me?!" Hawkeye snapped, shocked by this piece of news.

"I'm sorry Sir but you're disturbing the other patients. If you have a problem with being taken off the Major's case then please go and speak to Colonel Potter about it."

"Oh believe me, I will." Hawkeye said, before turning around and storming out of the room.

* * *

"Colonel Potter, would you mind telling me why I've been taken off Margaret's case?" Hawkeye demanded as he strode into Potter's office, barely even registering BJ's presence there as he focussed completely on Potter's response. BJ, however, was not willing to remain silent during this encounter and immediately he stood and began to speak.

"Are you seriously asking us that Pierce?" BJ snapped, his harsh tone causing Hawkeye to flinch. BJ was not finished though and ignoring Hawkeye's reaction he continued to speak. "The only reason we even let you perform her surgery in the first place was because she needed the best and since Charles was otherwise engaged," BJ said vindictively not needing to complete his sentence. A moment later he spoke again. "You are the reason that she's lying there in the first place, and now you expect me to let you anywhere near her? Well there is no way I'm going to give you the chance to hurt her again!" BJ shouted, his face flushed with anger.

"Easy, BJ, easy." Colonel Potter soothed, pulling the distraught young man back. "Dr. Pierce, my orders are not there for you to question. As of now you are off Major Houlihan's case and are to stay away from her at all times, understood?" Hawkeye opened his mouth and began to protest but Colonel Potter merely held his hand up indicating that Hawkeye should stop speaking. "Understood?"

"Yes, Sir." Hawkeye replied feebly, his shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Good, now dismissed."

* * *

"Margaret? Margaret, can you hear me?"

"Urgh." Margaret moaned, slowly turning her head towards the voice. Reluctantly she dragged her eyes open, squinting slightly as the bright sunlight burned her retinas. "BJ?"

"Margaret? Oh thank god, we were starting to worry," He paused seeing Margaret's sceptical expression, "Ok, Ok, **I** was starting to worry. Anyway, how are you feeling?" He asked, taking one of her hands in his.

"Like a shell blew me up!" Margaret said sarcastically.

"I guess that isn't really surprising is it? Good news though is that you're on the mend." He smiled. "Margaret?" He asked uncertainly.

"Yeah, BJ?" Margaret replied quietly, a feeling of unease spreading through her as she wondered what BJ wanted to ask her.

"Margaret, I need to ask you for your forgiveness for the way I've been treating you over the past few weeks. I know that I don't deserve it, but I am truly sorry and extremely ashamed of my behaviour."

"BJ!" Margaret interrupted loudly, squeezing his hand gently as she once again gained his attention. "You have nothing to be ashamed of, you've done nothing wrong." 'It's not even as though we're that close,' she thought to herself.

"That's not true, Margaret and we both know it. I abandoned you when you needed your friends the most." He smiled weakly at Margaret. "You are my friend, Margaret and I seem to have forgotten that over these past few weeks. And for that I do need to apologise."

Seeing his agony and obvious feelings of guilt, Margaret smiled reassuringly and simply said,

"I forgive you."

"Thank you, Margaret that means a lot to me."

* * *

For a while the pair sat in silence but soon BJ realised that he still needed to speak to her regarding another subject. He sighed.

"Margaret, there's one more thing I need to ask you." He hesitated and looked at Margaret's face, tracing the dark shadows that still lined her eyes and examining her hollow cheeks. "Margaret, when was the last time that you ate a full meal or had a proper night's sleep?"

At his question, Margaret instantly looked away. "What are you talking about? I haven't been missing any meals and I've been sleeping fine. Do you really expect me to look my best when I've just had a conversation with a shell?" She scoffed, hiding behind her 'Major' persona.

"Margaret, don't try that with me. I saw you before you left so I know that you haven't been sleeping properly and any idiot can see that you've lost a lot of weight in an extremely short space of time. You've not been taking care of yourself and although I wish that you felt like you could have come to me or Colonel Potter about how much you've been suffering that doesn't matter right now. I just need you to remember that because your general health has been so poor recently, you're going to have a much longer recovery period, and we're also going to have to monitor your health carefully and make sure you put that weight back on."

"I know, BJ." She whispered, embarrassed about her obvious neglect of her own health.

"Don't worry Margaret, whether you like it or not, the entire camp is going to be looking after you from now on and we'll get you back to normal so fast, you'll wish you had more time in bed!" BJ teased.

"Thanks BJ."

"No problem."

* * *

The ward was dark and silent, the few remaining patients sleeping comfortably, as a dark shape slipped quietly through the open doors into the room.

Checking to make sure that he had remained unseen, Hawkeye tiptoed towards the end bed that was currently separated from the rest of the room by a white curtain divide. Moving round the divide, Hawkeye quickly ducked down so as to ensure that he would remain unnoticed during his visit. Sighing in relief, Hawkeye edged closer to the bed and knelt down beside it, quietly watching her sleep. The gentle rise and fall of her chest soothed him and for a while he simply sat, gazing at her as she slept. Soon, however he began to murmur quietly.

"Forgive me, my Margaret. I was a stupid, selfish pig, still am actually but I would do anything to change the past few weeks, even if only to ensure that you didn't get hurt." He sighed. "Before that stupid first fight we were becoming closer, weren't we? You know me better than anyone, even Beej, god you're my best friend. And how do I treat my best friend? I ignore her, all because of a stupid fight." Gently he took her hand before taking a deep breath and continuing. "I wasn't even that angry, during that first argument that is, but you know me and my big mouth, I guess you were just there. That isn't an excuse but it's the truth. You know I was going to apologise the next day, I felt so guilty, I couldn't sleep at all that night because I knew I upset you, I was going to apologise as soon as I could."

"You were?" A whispered voice asked, interrupting his musings, surprising Hawkeye who lifted his head to stare into Margaret's sleepy blue eyes.

"Margaret, I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you, I just..." He trailed off as Margaret waved her hand dismissively.

"Why didn't you apologise if you were planning to? I never understood what happened. I mean I know that we were angry that night but the day after, you...you acted like you hated me and I never knew why." Margaret whispered brokenly, her eyes shining with tears.

"Oh Margaret, I didn't hate you. I was just a stubborn, jealous fool." He lifted the hand he was still holding and placed a gentle kiss on the knuckles. "That morning when I was coming to apologise, I saw you coming out of your tent with someone, a man. You were hugging him and I admit I jumped to conclusions. It's just I was so sure that you felt the same way that I did, that our friendship was deepening to become something more and then when I saw you with that other man, well I just assumed that you didn't feel the same way and it just made me feel so jealous and hurt. I should've asked you what happened but after I thought about it I just became so angry and then every time I saw you, I just got angrier and angrier. I'm so sorry Margaret. I had no right, no matter what I believed might have happened between you and that man, to treat you so terribly."

"You're right, you didn't, but you see the problem is you did and I'm not sure that we can move past that. You don't trust me and you betrayed the trust that I placed in you." Margaret whispered sadly, tears now coursing down her pale cheeks.

Hawkeye sighed heavily, unsurprised by her reaction, knowing that he deserved far worse after the pain he had caused her. Leaning forward, he brushed a few tears away before placing a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"I understand and I wouldn't expect you to simply forgive me, this is my mistake not yours." Suddenly Margaret yawned and glancing round, Hawkeye suddenly realised how late it actually was. "I better be going, you need your rest."

"Yes she does!" BJ's voice was harsh as he glared at Hawkeye. "I thought we told you to stay away from her!" Seeing Margaret's tears, he almost growled. "You'd better leave Pierce before I do something I regret."

"BJ." Margaret said, reaching out an arm to calm the angry Doctor. "Hawkeye came to apologise. He didn't mean to wake me or to make me cry."

"Still Margaret, he doesn't have the right to just waltz in here whenever he wants, what exactly makes him think he does?" BJ asked glaring at Hawkeye.

"Because I love her!" Hawkeye suddenly blurted out.

"Well you certainly haven't been treating her like you love her, have you?" BJ said, his tone disbelieving. "Leave Hawk, leave now."

Hawkeye nodded wearily and quickly turned to leave.

"Hawkeye?" Margaret called.

"Yeah?"

"That man, the one you saw me with, he was my brother-in-law. He was just passing through and came to say hi." Margaret explained, smiling gently. Hawkeye smiled in return, gratefully recognising her comment as a move towards eventually repairing their friendship.

Once outside however, he leaned against the walls of post-op and groaned. He hadn't meant to blurt out his feelings like that and now he feared that his declaration of love, rather than bringing them closer together could instead push them further apart.

"Damn."

* * *

**Phew second chapter is done. Hope you enjoyed it, epilogue should be up tomorrow and then we will be done with this little fic. Anyways Review please. Thanks A xxxxxxxxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Ah Alas, alak, I do not own these characters. *sobs quietly* I'm alright, I'm alright, I can cope with not owning them.

* * *

**Margaret watched silently as the men continued to dismantle the tents that made up the 4077th, a blank expression on her face. After what seemed like a lifetime, the police action in Korea had finally come to an end and they were all going home. She felt strange, because although she was incredibly happy to be returning home, at the same time it saddened her to think that she would not be seeing her friends every single day.

Taking a deep breath, Margaret began to walk slowly around the remains of the camp, memories of the time that she had spent there filing her mind, in particular her memories of the past few months. They had been difficult months to say the least.

* * *

As BJ had predicted, her recovery had been long and hard and it had taken weeks for her to be well enough to even move back into her own tent, let alone resume her duties. Initially it had been suggested that she be evacuated to a hospital in Tokyo but Margaret had begged to be allowed to stay, feeling the need to have her family around her during her recovery. Colonel Potter had agreed readily, guilt still filling him as he desperately tried to make amends for his behaviour. It had been the right decision for her though, since as her medical condition had steadily improved so too had her spirits. Slowly her smiles had become more frequent and with the support of the entire camp she soon began returning to her old self. None were more pleased at this change than BJ, who had made it his mission to ensure that Margaret recovered both in mind and in spirit.

In fact there was only one member of the camp who was not making sure that she ate and slept or that she was generally happy in herself. This person was Hawkeye, and although it seemed to the outside observer that he was once again neglecting her, this was untrue.

Initially Margaret had been worried that after his declaration of love, Hawkeye would begin to demand more from her than she was able to give, and when he didn't get this, that he would abandon her again. Instead Hawkeye had accepted Margaret's silent plea to allow her to mend her broken heart and had remained at a distance from her. He was not absent from her life though, he was simply invisible. Proof of his continued affections instead came in the form of small gifts. Flowers appeared every morning next to her bed, a trend that continued even after she returned to her own tent. She also discovered small gifts would appear every now and then, nothing fancy but obviously considered carefully by the giver. She also knew that although he didn't have a say in her medical care, that he had still ensured that he received regular updates from a few of the nurses, including Nurse Kellye.

* * *

Margaret smiled to herself as she remembered confronting the young nurse about her reports to the Captain. Originally Kellye had been as firm as BJ in ensuring that Hawkeye was kept away from her but following that night where he had visited her to apologise, Kellye had slowly begun to relax her attitudes towards the Captain. She chuckled as she remembered Kellye's simple explanation.

"Well I figured that now that he wasn't acting like a jerk anymore, that it would do you more good if he was alive and aware of how you are doing. Won't be much good if he thinks you're at death's door or something, will it?"

* * *

These demonstrations of his concern helped to heal her heart and gradually the friendship between the pair improved and slowly she began to trust him again.

* * *

Margaret smiled again as she remembered the first night that she had eaten in the Mess tent, after she had moved back into her tent. The entire camp had been bustling round her, offering to get her something to eat, making room at their tables for her to sit down and generally overwhelming her. She had been struggling to get out of the middle of the crowd that had surrounded her, when she suddenly felt a gentle hand grab her arm and pull her out. Lifting her face, she had seen two sparkling blue eyes staring down at her but before she had a chance to comment, he had led her over to a corner of the tent, away from the crowds of people, where a tray of food was already laid. Shrugging innocently, he had gestured for her to sit down, and then sat down opposite her. Whilst she ate, he remained silent, but his mere presence was enough. It reassured her of his intention to treat her well and not to push her, and on that night a flicker of trust had once again begun to bloom. The silence had not lasted though, she remembered with a laugh. BJ had soon realised that she had escaped the throng of people and spotting her sitting alone with Hawkeye, he had rushed over, and although he was no longer outwardly aggressive, his attitude towards Hawkeye had still been cold.

Margaret had half-expected Hawkeye to leave the moment that BJ sat down, but surprising her again he had stayed until she had finished eating and only when she left, did he also leave.

* * *

Margaret sighed contentedly, her lips still curved upwards in a smile as she watched Klinger and Soon-Li walking together.

"I hope with a smile that big that you're thinking about me!" A warm voice teased, as a pair of strong arms slipped round her waist and came to rest on her stomach.

"Hmm, actually I was just thinking about handsome BJ is...." She trailed off laughing as her fiancé tickled her mercilessly.

"Oh well then, I guess I'll just take my ring back then." He teased, gently fingering the aforementioned piece of jewellery.

"Ok, Ok I give, I was thinking about you not BJ." Margaret admitted, still laughing happily. Grinning, she turned in his arms and placed a gentle kiss on his smiling mouth before slipping her arms around his neck in a loving hug.

Hawkeye smiled, his arms tightening around Margaret's petite frame, grateful to whatever deity had been watching over them that he had been able to regain her trust and earn her heart. Eventually Margaret pulled back, her eyes instantly moving to his. Hawkeye smiled lovingly at her and leaning down, he brushed a kiss against her nose, delighting in the giggle that his gesture caused.

"So where were you headed next?" He asked, gesturing back towards the camp.

"I was thinking of going up to the helipad, care to join me?"

"Of course, Mademoiselle. Allow me to be your escort, the hills are fraught with danger for a beautiful flower such as yourself." Hawkeye replied, bowing gallantly before her and offering her his hand, playfully nudging her when she began laughing at his words.

* * *

A short time later, they stood gazing out across the remains of the camp, Margaret once again leaning against Hawkeye's chest, as he rested his head on her shoulder.

"Hawk?"

"Hmmm?"

"You know that I've forgiven you for what happened and that I love you, don't you?" She asked. Hawkeye smiled at her sweet words and pulled her closer into his embrace.

"I knew, but thank you for telling me anyway." He said and turning her head towards his, he bent down and kissed her. "I love you too, my Margaret."

* * *

**So a bit of fluff to finish with but ah it's just so nice to write. I wanted to make sure that Margaret didn't just forgive him straight away so I hope that that came across here, even though I did always plan on them being together in the end. Sigh. Anywho, hope you all liked the ending. Cheerio. lol. A xxxxxx **


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